SUKLI

It is one of those uneventful days when you get home from work. Lakad. Wentuhan. La lng. Then you’re all by yourself on the jeepney, minding your self. Trying not to nudge the kid beside you. Ignoring the stare from the old hag infront of you. All the while unearthing the wonder that is the jungle of your bag looking for that bentsingko, because for some reasons, the driver always comes up with alibis not to give you back your change. Sometimes, you ccould even have a fleeting career of being a konduktor for about 5minutes. What a life.

It may have been an instinct so cunning among Filipinos during a ride to pass around fares in case the passenger is seated too far from the driver. It is an unspoken rule. A practice unpracticed. A chore so spontaneous you’re not even aware you’re on it. But good manners doesn’t probably pay you back enough sometimes.

when this girl beside me tried giving back the change manong driver gave her because it was more than what it should be, the driver in a smirk so loud you coud hear it from the next block retorted-“ano? Putang-ina naman andami nyo kasi eh…”…” somebody from the bench across mumbled, “sobrah n nga binalik p. And everybody was gawking at the girl like she had done something so stupid. Somehow, there’s something too wrong about a simple carrying of good manners.

Maybe it did violated the rule of practicality set by the ailing times. Maybe it was the case of self obsession confined in the social rope of individuals who share nothing but a ride to a jeepney. Maybe it’s not always about doing the right thing. Maybe the world is just too cruel you don’t always get back what you give.

It may not always be fair, but you don’t get to ride the same jeepney anyway.

decay

you're stuck in your place. you refuse to budge. you like your disintegration. why can't you grow up like everyone else? because you don't want it. you love the sympathy. the hate. the renunciation. the spite. you have always loved the fame didn't you?

you hated yourself in the first place. i have always knew that. i was loathing myself too. you could never deny it to me.

we we're always looking for alibis. you blame your sorry lovelife. i put the blame on my pathetic decisions. truth is, we are both needy and self centered. and we could never admit it. what a shame.

you tell me you we're shedding off all of your disillusions and fantasies. that is a big fucking lie. you're still stuck in your sorry little concepts of happy endings and dungeons turning into castles. mybe i suddenly lost grip of what is really happening. but i could always trace back to where i we both had started. don't you ever claim i don't know what is happening.

i have seen it when you are not listening. i have hated your stubborness. but it is the same reason i got stuck with you. now i am watching how we were fading away form each other.it's all contemporary. how we suddenly grow old and wary of the world, the present and the here. or maybe i was the only one who was feeling it. and you continue eating on the same bullshit.

go on. if it makes your day.