can't buy it

I met the day feeling cheaper than usual
I guess you could say that I’m on sale
So take what you can while you can,
Shop now intensive
I could snap at any moment and
I might feel more expensive

I don’t owe anything to you,
I don’t owe anything to you,
You don’t know me half as well as you think you do,
I don’t owe anything, anything to you.

I met the mirror with a pricetag hanging from my ear
And in that moment, I went un-phased
So take what you can, while you can
Less conscious only means more dough.
I could snap at any moment and remember
That I was not born to be sold.

I don’t owe anything to you,
I don’t owe anything to you,
You don’t know me half as well as you think you do,
I don’t owe anything, anything to you.

I don’t owe anything to you,
I don’t owe anything to you,
You don’t know me half as well as you think you do,
I don’t owe anything, anything to you.

paalam

malapet n.aalis n k.ndi m k hahanapin oo. perong isng bahagi ng sistema k ang tinigil m ng tuluyan.isang bahagi ng ako ang pinatay m ng paulit -ulit.

eto n naman ako.ngpapalango s kakornihan.ng-aantay.nsasaktan.naguguluhan. pero mg-aantay ako. kung kelan pwede nah.

pg-amin

Tangled Up In You Lyrics

You're my world
The shelter from the rain
You're the pills
That take away my pain
You’re the light
That helps me find my way
You’re the words
When I have nothing to say

And in this world
Where nothing else is true
Here I am
Still tangled up in you
I’m still tangled up in you
Still tangled up in you

You're the fire
That warms me when I'm cold
You're the hand I have to hold
As I grow old
You're the shore
When I am lost at sea
You're the only thing
That I like about me

And in this world
Where nothing else is true
Here I am
Still tangled up in you
I’m still tangled up in you

How long has it been
Since this storyline began
And I hope it never ends
And goes like this forever

In this world
Where nothing else is true
Here I am
Still tangled up in you
Tangled up in you
I’m still tangled up in you
Still tangled up in you





oo.mahal ktah

hehe

masakit.un lng

ang gaggu

taena naman eh.ang labu labu labu labu labu m!!!khi kelan!!!UNGGOOYYY!!!

getting started

i'm starting this week like no other week.i don't care if this turns out crap like the other week. you know something?you've taken away that part of me that used to be for somebody else. i wanted to protest. i wanted to fight. but all my resistance had failed. I'm all starting to feel miserable and hopeless. why do you have to hurt me with your hurting?i shouldn't have to care right? and you won't give me the chance. you won't even let me know where i stand. you love keeping me in circles. you resort to accusations. to blames. and it wont help.

i will be leaving soon. i wanna spend the rest of the days with you loving you each moment i can. if you'd let me.

and today's gonna be the first day.


-in my room in jp rizal,makati.
12.26 pm(15 mnts n ms maaga s avaya.hehehe)
11/02/09

para sau...

anu b tlgah?wg ka nah malungkot...ndi nia sadya un...ndi n nia mahal c ...kw kc eh..sia dn nman sinasaktan m ndi m lng alm..

shoot me if you have to..,(you're killing me slowly anyway)

i thought i was my usual self. were you thinking you were acting the same? i doubt it. everytime i came messing around,beating on the same shit we used to have, you clam off on a cold meat and i was the one left feeling stupid.more of an ass who was doing all the silly attempts to get us on track(if there has been any) but was left gaping on the road alone.

so i have to resort to my usual antics. i have to get off the hook and get myself out of the picture to keep myself from being hurt again. and the jerk in you. you come running around flirting with the same person who had me on a suicide yesterday. and on your silly little game of emotional conning,you dare tell the public you were the one who was left sore and bruised,while keeping them guessing who the culprit is. and i did try getting off the scene. you murk of a donkey. why do you have to keep pulling me in?

maybe you're cursing me in your dreams too. there's something deep inside of you that had wanted me to hurt. to bleed. why?

i won't dare take the responsibility. you were giving me the assumptions. but i could be wrong.but what if i was right?why do you have to keep me guessing?why should i be left hanging on a thin thread of hope , of tangled mass of doubts and a steady weight of guilt?

those tears you saw may not be for you. i was letting go. and i did let go. why do you have to suffer for something i wanted to leave behind? and why do you have to hurt me for something you were hurting for?

stop. please. dont let us both suffer.

tlgh

gustong gusto k ng umiyak ngaun. ilang araw nah. putah naman kc. kasalanan k tlagah. ndi nga pede eh.

bt b kc antigas ng ulo k.

besprens lng tau

ung lng tlgah un

lintik n bespren yn

wlangyang hinyupak tlgah

ei ewan

labu m.
wala ka pla eh

radio morning shows at ang pgtatasa

dahil sobrang tinatamad ako, ndi ako ng-overtime. at dhl ndi ako ng-overtym, umuwe ako ng maaga. at dhl umuwe ako ng maaga, mahaba ng oras k para tumengga. ndi ako mkpgbunot ng kilay kase halos makalbo k n eyebrows k kase kahapon k lng cla npgdiskitahan.nananakit p dn mgkabilang kilikili k kc npagtripan k dn clang i-deforestate kahapoh.(deforestation ang root word). gusto k mamalengke kaso la n kong pera.kakaen p san k ulet kaso busog p k. mg-iinternet kaso mabantot ung 24hr internet shop malapet s gas station n sia lng bukas ngaun kya ngtitiyaga akong imanu-mano muna tong binablog k ngaun. kaso nakakapagod mgsulat eh. kya ng-isip muna k ng ibng gagawen.

aun. mgtasa.

una kong nahagilap ung mga lipliner kong umiiyak n tuwing gnagamet k. lumpong lumpo n cla s sobrang kapudpuran tska nasasaktan n dn lips k. inumpisahan k ang pgtatasa. ng-enjoy ako. kya natasahan k lahat nung tatlong lipliner k. mgtatasa sna k ng eyebrowliner kaso pakshet. wla pla k nun. lipliner lng. at dhl ang mongol #1 n ngkalat n to ang nahagip ng mata k, siempre, tinasahan k dn sia.at siempre p, kelangang me background music. lowbat ang phone k(oo.wla kong ipod) kya ndi k makulit ang mga speakers ni marian. binuksan k n lng ang radyo. sakto. c christsuper at si nicoliyala.ntsambahan k p ang malupet n forum s umagang iyun-panu dw pg nambababae ang asawa m at me asawa kinakalantare nia at ang asawa nitong huli n nsa abroad eh bumalik n at dhl jn eh bumbalek sau ang asawa m.babalikan m dw b sia?ako dn nalabuan s sobrang haba ng phrasing.balikan m n lng ulet. pero me sagot ang lola nicole m jn.

mgpunta ka sa pinkamalapet n national bookstore. bumili ka ng 1whole n illustration board at tska permanent marker. bili ka n dn ng ink refill para sure. tapos umuwi ka sa bhay m. isulat m s nabili mong illustration board ang:

-HINDI N NAKATIRA D2 ANG ASAWA M.

pwde dn-

-WALA AKO D2

or

-NKABILI N KONG LOTE S OUTERSPACE. SUNOD KA N LNG IF U CAN AFFORD IT.

pwede db...?

try m dn

-ICE FOR SALE

O pwde dn

BAWAL UMIHI D2

pero eto pnakamalupet-

BAWAL BASURA D2. ANG MAHULI ME MULTA.

siempreh ung iba pauso k n lng. ng-eenjoy n k eh. kaso nung sumingit n c willie revillame, nakornihan n k. kya nilipat k.RX. monster. pede. Forum:top ten TO's on your first day of school. sabeh, dalhen m dw yaya m s unang araw ng pasukan. major turn off dw un. nakonyohan naman ako. cnu bng matinung coed n ndi ganun ka-rich and mgdadala ng mgpapainum s knya ng vitamins school..besides, it's getting too immature for me mahn..

kya nilipat k ulet. morning shows w/ moe. eto. malupet. gender equality. cnu ang ms domineering.babae o lalake?bakla/tomboy?kambing/babuy?kaso dun dn papunta ung usapan eh.top ka ba o bottom?ng-antay ako ng matagal matapos ang mahabang daldalan, tsikaran, buskahan at mga wlang kakwenta-kwentang callers. matapos ang matagl kong pg-aantay. ngtugtog dn. tears on my guitar. waaarrrsss!!!! anak ng @#!!@#.taylor swift.pnatawad k n nga lng. tutal paborito ni kat un s videoke eh.

well, pnatay k n nga lng ang lintik n radyo.umulan bgla. nghanap ako ng lapis n pwede png tasahan.

:D

:D

......




.........






?????????

......

ewan k. malabu n tlga. puro lng tau tinginan. ako lng tlga tong ng-iilusyon

uhmm..

last day n ng training mayang gabeh...aus lng. let it be...

endorsement

ndi k alm kung matutuwa ako.training k n s saves s lunes. astig dw un. ndi naman pwdng mg-eh. panu n mga bayarin k??huhuhuhuh

late

ndi n lng ako pumasok. late n k. kesa naman materminate ako dahil s pagiging late k, eh di mgkakasaket n lng ako. wahahaha

hay

tagal naman. ng-antay lng ako s wala

off

tagal naman ng off m. ndi n nga tau ngkikta halos eh

hey

lord pls

can we see each other again?

kangaroos and narcissism,

the millions questions hang around my head like maturing guts of dust in a dark wall of an old library. libraries. they always look clean outside but inside, they always smell of mold and must and old beliefs and forgotten thruth. it's something abt how browning,decaying paper assails your nostrils. it makes you wanna go back. delve. and forget.

forgetting. there is an escape in forgetting. you jump around like an kangaroo hopping from one deliruium to another pretending to be busy with something else, all the while thinking of nothing else but to make people think and that you're not to busy thinking abt yourself.

a library and a kangaroo: you won't buy it.

well it sounds oxymoron to me

n., pl. -mo·ra (-môr'ə, -mōr'ə) or -rons.

A rhetorical figure in which incongruous or contradictory terms are combined, as in a deafening silence and a mournful optimist.

i'm a kangaroo on a library. a sad, selfish little turd seeking escape on what she finds true. it cud hurt sometimes. inconvenient just like the musty smells. but we always find sense on reality which we sometimes find too fungal we become allergic to it. that sometimes we feel like jumping only to land on the same ground where we took off a minute ago. and it always happen on a split second.

man. sometimes we're not even smarter than a kangaroo.

j.c.c

hey.

it's the nervous me hovering around you. it's getting darker by minute and i hate to disintegrate this way.but i'm loving the consumation.

it's been a while since i came to my senses. it's just me i guess.
and don't make me flatter my self.

the jerk in you. and the asshole i me.

geez

alright..

i'll be damned.i am falling and what the hell.

holy waste

I had traded shifts (well it wasn’t a trade. I grabbed it.grabista dw ako.:D) with Pastorfide. I was supposed to come in to work sat and Sunday shifts. But biatchy ferbie’s curse was on me. I woke up Friday night w/ my right eye overloaded w/ muta and it was red as hell. Wesley Snipes wud jumped right in to my mugged cornea the instant he sees my face. I was planning to work my ass for the whole week. The coming week being double paid. It cud have saved the bills and a long-awaited galera trip with friends.bebertdey p k. amf tlga.

Maybe it’s bro’s way of saying “mgnilay ka muna…dame m kc kasalanan anak..

Amen?

die a little death

"...una kong namatay nung 2nd yr colej ako.."

-bob ong

i walked a step.

i crushed you under.

i sew my heels

i had to look around and wonder.

rots of mildew

they talk and thunder

my soul askew

my thoughts surrender

my mind crammed , i hemmed

saw and hammered

cut thru the edges

realined the patterns

i stitched and sew

pulled the trigger

dropped the knife

mistook the essence

lacerate thru the lies

of poetic sentiments

i stand and will come up

if dying a little

means having to live

again.

berdeng rebyu

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

-greenday(good riddance)



back in college, i used to fantasize my highschool class singing this song on a reunion. of course, not everyone likes greenday(i don't. i just like the song. period. not getting defensive here.period.)especially when they had that "wake me up when this starts to shit..." going on. but like every faithful 90's gunho, i had watched 'american pie'. and it has became, well pretty much one of my anthems.

i know this isn't the very good time to blabber about life and roads and dead ends. a lot of people out there are still suffering from the anorexic patterns of valentine's day drama and i'm still wondering why in hell i forgot to tx kat that yes i wanted to go to the UP fair when she actually had told me she was planning to, and how on earth cud somebody with a sane mind invent things like lovapalooza and champagnes, and whoever came up with the idea of fairness didn't gave a damn consideration to a whole lot of people out therewho still thinks they're better off alone.some people doesn't even know which line divides sentimentality and plain drama. i guess kurt cobain isn't very happy about it.

so what the hell???

i was wondering. when i went home last weekend, my mother, as usual, was trying to make me catch up with some childhood friend's lives. i tried to remember all the details of their stories so that i cud say something good if i happen to bump against any of their shoulders.some were married. some had moved to some other places. some found jobs here like me.

i statrted to remember. high school friends. college dudes. and people i met on the previous jobs i had.

pablo neruda once asked -

“Will our life not be a tunnel between two vague clarities? Or will it not be a clarity between two dark triangles?”

i don't know. all my life i've tried to define the clearness of my being by shaping other people's opinions, observations, and objectives. i always prided myselof having , well the uncanny ability to read other people. and maybe i wasn't the only one who thinks that way. and maybe i really can't read people. i was trying to defend biaseness and judgement against opinionated cause. and just like evryone else, i always think i'm right.

i am a vague clarity to myself. plato must have been cursing on his grave by now. but i get pretty much surprised with myself a lot of times. and because of that, like everyone else, i turn to others to clear it out.

i have to find myself.

friend. brother. sister. lover. classmate.professor.teammate. boss. housemate. kayosi. kainuman.it's always you and the other vague clarity.

well the ugly part is, you get pretty much comfortable being in the tunnel. you thought you found it. you let yourself be drowned sometimes. so when the tunnel begans to channel to some other directions you can't put your finger on, well, i guess it is predictable, but you reaaly don't want it to happen, it's scary. sometimes, it hurts. for real. seriuosly.

a lot of times, we'd thought we'd known them. nothing will happen. you let yourself in. but things get blurry. and we start making excuses.

some stays. because they have to. some remains. not because we're needing them, or they are needing us. well, i guess there is some truth abt it. one sure thing is, it's the course of the tunnel.

well i had my share of being sorry. but hell. i made sure i had the time of my life.

will have to log-out. time out n k.
good riddance:D

hula

i once registered to a sight advertising free astrology and sign reading. It was advertised on section from a page where I was getting a premade comment I was planning to post on a friends profile. Without thinking, I clicked the link, went to the page and had registered. I was told that my reading will be sent to the email address I had put in. That pretty much got me excited. When you’re twenty-four, single, stuck on the same job for a couple of years, and your idea of a big breakfast is silog and some beers on the side, this type of thing will generate quite an agitation. O yeah. You could say that. I am such a bore.

so there. The response was pretty fast. I got it within 24 hours. I don’t really recall the details of my reading. This jenna(the super astrologer in controversy were talking about here) had done a nice job of describing how I react with events she said had happened in my life. I was like “..daF_ _ ..that never happened to me!!!” well I may be the nth dork who had gotten the same reading. I was pretty stupid not to realize that until I was redirected to another page which apparently should tell me more information about what’ll happen to me if ms jenna here could pls get a credit card number for a book she’s mailing for $24. It suddenly hit me..I don’t pay dollars!!!! Peso lng po. Madalsa kapos pahh Then why had I let me self be duped into such scam anyway??

There isn’t too wrong about asking what will happen next if you don’t know where you are standing. Sometimes we all need to see ourselves from another direction apart from what friends and family members see in us. pg ng-EH ako, ng-aadik lng. Pg umuwe ng maaga- tamad. Adik lng. Anu b tlgah???parang lahat ng gagawen k adik lng…

I remember the premade comment I had pirated from that page. Its pretty much comparable to the judgment we give to people. We brand them by what we feel is safe, what we think would make them feel good about themselves. Maybe because we think we make them feel better for the kind of judgment we give them. Or it may be it’s the other way around. We feel better of ourselves because of the kind of judgment we give to people. I wonder if it’s worth little ms jenna’s $24 of convenience.

Well we have our own little self comments. And I could be my own astrologer. And the world is full of little ms jennas. No one knows what would happen next. And everyone is free to gamble. Let life play on you…just don’t get too duped.. walang gustong mgbayad ng $24..hehe

this unsturdy

saturday night. you watch the minutes slave thru the grammars of late night shows while you contemplate thru invitations of crashing. you promise yourself your putting off to procrastinations to empty promises but you give in anyway.

too tired. you're too busy being busy you don't even have the time to realize it. you have all the time but you never have the time. it's dangerous and delicious and crazy all at the same time, but it is more than you cud bear. you let yourself fall. you have to. the weekend to the last weekend remains plans for the next years' to terminate. one good expectation-get a good night sleep. but it is not too important now.

you wish you cud get back every second you had stolen from time. but destiny wud never let you buy it back. too early to save for hours. too late for plans. too sick to even think about it. too proud to admit you are getting tired.

spinning around circles.spending listless obscenities. fishing for credits.getting scared.