berdeng rebyu

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

-greenday(good riddance)



back in college, i used to fantasize my highschool class singing this song on a reunion. of course, not everyone likes greenday(i don't. i just like the song. period. not getting defensive here.period.)especially when they had that "wake me up when this starts to shit..." going on. but like every faithful 90's gunho, i had watched 'american pie'. and it has became, well pretty much one of my anthems.

i know this isn't the very good time to blabber about life and roads and dead ends. a lot of people out there are still suffering from the anorexic patterns of valentine's day drama and i'm still wondering why in hell i forgot to tx kat that yes i wanted to go to the UP fair when she actually had told me she was planning to, and how on earth cud somebody with a sane mind invent things like lovapalooza and champagnes, and whoever came up with the idea of fairness didn't gave a damn consideration to a whole lot of people out therewho still thinks they're better off alone.some people doesn't even know which line divides sentimentality and plain drama. i guess kurt cobain isn't very happy about it.

so what the hell???

i was wondering. when i went home last weekend, my mother, as usual, was trying to make me catch up with some childhood friend's lives. i tried to remember all the details of their stories so that i cud say something good if i happen to bump against any of their shoulders.some were married. some had moved to some other places. some found jobs here like me.

i statrted to remember. high school friends. college dudes. and people i met on the previous jobs i had.

pablo neruda once asked -

“Will our life not be a tunnel between two vague clarities? Or will it not be a clarity between two dark triangles?”

i don't know. all my life i've tried to define the clearness of my being by shaping other people's opinions, observations, and objectives. i always prided myselof having , well the uncanny ability to read other people. and maybe i wasn't the only one who thinks that way. and maybe i really can't read people. i was trying to defend biaseness and judgement against opinionated cause. and just like evryone else, i always think i'm right.

i am a vague clarity to myself. plato must have been cursing on his grave by now. but i get pretty much surprised with myself a lot of times. and because of that, like everyone else, i turn to others to clear it out.

i have to find myself.

friend. brother. sister. lover. classmate.professor.teammate. boss. housemate. kayosi. kainuman.it's always you and the other vague clarity.

well the ugly part is, you get pretty much comfortable being in the tunnel. you thought you found it. you let yourself be drowned sometimes. so when the tunnel begans to channel to some other directions you can't put your finger on, well, i guess it is predictable, but you reaaly don't want it to happen, it's scary. sometimes, it hurts. for real. seriuosly.

a lot of times, we'd thought we'd known them. nothing will happen. you let yourself in. but things get blurry. and we start making excuses.

some stays. because they have to. some remains. not because we're needing them, or they are needing us. well, i guess there is some truth abt it. one sure thing is, it's the course of the tunnel.

well i had my share of being sorry. but hell. i made sure i had the time of my life.

will have to log-out. time out n k.
good riddance:D